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07 April 2018 @ 08:41 pm
03 April 2018 @ 01:15 am
Marriage is tough, kids and marriage a whole lot tougher.
I didn’t know. I wish I had.
In my mind it plays out differently. Probably a lot like a hallmark channel Christmas movie.
I’m isolated. She’s a handful. Haven’t really seen him much. I finally did the math and figured that we get two hours of time together before he leaves again and we start it over.
I finally had it and blew up. I couldn’t take it anymore. I feel like I’m losing it and I just need more
Support. He’s made an effort to come
Home earlier and take his days off.
Though for now it’s one day sporadically a week.

I can tell that our daughter responds well to his energy. She is interested in him. She needs him around more.
As do I of course.

I just feel like I was flung into something I wasn’t ready for. Something that I guess I didn’t prepare for.
Forget the lack of affection and the sex for a minute, maybe it’s just needing to be understood and heard once in a while.

He means well but he doesn’t understand how hands on he needs to be right now.

I don’t want to spiral into PPD
I just need someone i can trust to talk to. I literally have no one.
Current Mood: listlesslistless
21 March 2018 @ 05:57 pm
21 March 2018 @ 05:56 pm
Being alone day and night is awesome ☹️
I can’t wait for this busy month to be over. I’m lonely :/
20 March 2018 @ 03:30 am

I’ve been discovering some very cute cartoons for my daughter. She loves baby Einstein shows and I found the wiggles for her on cable. She’s not too picky at the moment she just loves a lot of color. I was finally able to get her the rainforest jumperoo I wanted for her too. She has a great time in it. Admittedly, I thought she would keep entertained for longer but she still needs a lot of breaks in between. I thought it would help with getting things done while she’s in it. I am still working on being comfortable enough to do things without her in my arms. When she cries I come to her immediately. I don’t believe in letting her cry it out. We’re very close and we spend a lot of time together.

Things have been difficult between my husband and I lately. We seem to be having communication issues. They do arise every so often. We haven’t been very affectionate with eachother in months and it’s starting to take a toll. It’s been extremely disheartening. I think we’re finally breaking these walls down and working on it. I get so sidetracked with the baby and he with work that we just both haven’t taken the time to invest in eachother. We’re just now sleeping next to eachother again.

After almost a month of being here I have to say I’m really enjoying it.
San Antonio has been really nice so far and he’s doing great at work. I’m lonely because he’s gone for long periods of time. Grand opening is this Saturday and I’m glad it is because these long hours are making shit hard on us.

Living the majority on my own except when he gets home at night to sleep with no days off has really affected me. Showers just aren’t we frequent as I’d like and over all I’m just feeling like I am drowning. Taking care of the baby with no breaks is hard for me. I look forward to the naps and putting her to bed and I’m praying it’ll get easier with time.

I have a lot of stress right now :(
10 March 2018 @ 04:25 pm

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07 March 2018 @ 02:05 pm
I’m finally out of my family’s house and back into an apartment here in San Antonio Texas. It’s really nice here, I’m quite surprised how much i like it. My apartment has a lot of room and we’re on the 1st floor which is nice. I’m tired of climbing stairs
Now that my husband is on salary we no longer have to worry about hours not being made. Although he will be cheated overtime , over in Santa Monica the struggle was real because hours were cut left and right.

All our belongings were left behind and we will send for them when we can. For now, we have a tv again and this blow up mattress will have to do. I can’t explain the peace here in our home now. It’s incredible being on our own again. No more drama
16 February 2018 @ 12:34 am
I’ve been watching Sabrina the teenage witch on amazon. It’s like reliving a time where life was nostalgic and awesome. Do you ever wish you could go back in time? I do all the time.

I’m moving in March back to Texas. I’ll be in a different part though. I am not going back to Houston. I’m looking forward to living on my own again with my little family. The drive out of state always sucks but I hope it’s worth it this time. New England isn’t in the cards for me yet, but I hope
It is in the next few years. I feel sad I can’t plant roots yet but I’m happy to be on my own again.

Not having privacy is terrible.

I celebrated my 36th birthday at a Witch themed restaurant. My cake was custom made (all black) and it was extra special because I had my daughter with me. My old co worker from Houston asked me if people look at me funny because of how i dress, especially that particular night. I explained to him that the vibe and crowd is very much like me and two other girls had the same color hair as I did.
I would have gone bald but I cut myself up on accident so I had to wear a wig. It was a nice change though.
Being a mommy is one of the coolest jobs I’ve had yet. I love her so much. I’m going to be homeschooling with her when she’s old enough.

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05 February 2018 @ 08:17 pm

My love

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05 February 2018 @ 05:26 am

Making her laugh while daddy snaps a picture for me. Ah, my heart. She is just such a beautiful soul.
I’m a proud mommy for sure

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