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witheringkisss
19 July 2017 @ 01:16 pm
 
 
witheringkisss
12 July 2017 @ 02:57 pm
 
 
witheringkisss
19 June 2017 @ 09:12 pm
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8 days left till we leave Houston. Manny has been off of work for this entire month. He was hit in the back with a commercial kitchen freezer door and is on workmans comp. it's been nice to have him home after years of weird scheduling we have dealt with here. Due to the delay on paperwork and MRI approval via his boss everything has been pushed back. He was supposed to return to work this week but he actually may not return at all before the move. If he does he may likely only be back for a few days before we're gone for good.

Dealing with my family again is not going to be easy but I need help with medical care and Houstons income limitations on Medicare make it impossible to qualify. Anyway it's only temporary, I must make the best of it and just get through this last chapter of my pregnancy. We make sacrifices for our children after all. I'm no stranger to sacrifices in general.. but this is especially sacrificial because of how they have treated me for so long. I won't feel safe until I can leave for New Hampshire but it'll give us a chance to save up. Los Angeles is no place to raise a family and it is no place for me. Maybe on the outside I look like a wild person but I'm quite reserved on the inside. I heard my cousin that doesn't get along with me is trying hard to get pregnant now that I'm pregnant. That is super weird to me. This isn't a competition.

Anyway, this wasn't intentional. I always wanted it to happen when it was supposed to. I didn't want to plan this. I guess I got what I wanted. Still, I have so many nerves about being a new mom. I'm a logical person and I'm smart and I've retained a lot of knowledge over the years. I'm confident I can do this. Still, I know this is going to change my life completely and I hope it helps me to evolve into the next phase of my life and turns me into the woman I'm meant to be.

I have felt more flutters lately, I feel her move more, my stomach quivers, it's the strangest thing! I'm glad I'm not doing this alone. I was sad for a while that I was always alone.

My only friend here in Houston, my supposed best friend just bailed on me as soon as she found out I was pregnant and offered to help me pay for my dogs surgery for his tumor. I never asked her for help, she wanted to do a nice thing and then when it came time to give me the money to schedule the appointment she just became unavailable and distant. People are so funny. Can't figure them out at all. She did a similar disappearing act shortly after I first moved to Houston when she offered to help us get on our feet. She claimed she purposely started a fight with me so she wouldn't have to help us like she promised. Relocating to another state to be near someone and they just flake on you, real nice, right? Awesome person. Despite her flipping out like a manic alcoholic I still forgave her and rekindled a friendship with her. Sure, when she needed something it was cool for me to be there for her but she could never reciprocate that. Shame on me for trusting Kristy ever. Befriending an alcoholic with a severe personality disorder was my mistake. Never fucking again will I deal with that shit.

I'm so done with her bullshit. She put me through enough. I'm glad I'll never see her again.
 
 
witheringkisss
08 June 2017 @ 12:04 am


Dear little one,

I hope you're doing well in there. I have a big tummy for you to be comfy in and I've been taking it easy for you too. It's true I was depressed and stressed in the beginning because everything was just going horribly wrong with lack of healthcare and being so lonely while daddy works all the time. Friends abandoning me because I suddenly became pregnant, but now? Things are looking up. I can only pray you're excited to see me too. I'm going to take lots of pictures of you. You'll probably be annoyed but it's something I love to do. I can't wait to smell your skin and give you kisses. I've always wanted a family of my own. I'm so glad I finally have the opportunity to be a mommy. I've learned what not to do with all the heartbreak I've experienced with my own parents. I also read a lot online about what to do and what not to do. I hope you'll be happy with me as your mommy. The truth is I'm scared, but if I can get past the birth and delivery I feel like I've got it from there. I love you little one.

webanalytics
 
 
witheringkisss
01 June 2017 @ 05:27 pm
I am on another adventure yet again! But I'm looking forward to this one because I finally get to leave this place. at the end of the month I'll be gone and I'll never return to Texas. Texas was a waste of 3 years of my life and a horrible place to live. I'm glad this is the end. I've endured enough here. This weather fucking sucks too. Fuck this weather

webanalytics
 
 
 
witheringkisss
24 May 2017 @ 01:49 am
Maybe it's weird but sometimes I don't know she's really in there. Sometimes I forget and just feel like I'm fat. I was able to finally find her heart beat and I feel so emotional about it. This is my girls heart. I can't wait to just hold her



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witheringkisss
15 May 2017 @ 10:09 pm




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witheringkisss
15 May 2017 @ 10:07 pm
It's a girl ❤️





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witheringkisss
27 February 2017 @ 02:53 am


And then life took an unexpected turn as of yesterday



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witheringkisss
29 December 2016 @ 03:32 pm
The new year is upon us. I don't care much for resolutions but I hope I take more action in my life to achieve positive things. I've been jobless since March by choice and it's time for me to get back on the bandwagon. I have to save up my paychecks to secure a downpayment on a home or towards a goal in that type of direction.

I'm excited about it and I truly hope we don't stay in Texas. This past year has been filled with challenges for me emotionally and I have felt extremely drained and untrusting for the majority of the 2016 year.

The best thing about this year was losing 100 lbs and I adopted a new dog from the local animal shelter. She's a chihuahua mix and she's about 3 years old. They named her Cricket at the shelter and we renamed her Bella. She's the perfect little dog. She loves to go everywhere with me. She jumps in my purse, she's potty trained and she never leaves my side. When I am able I'm going to register her as an emotional support dog because she really helps me with my anxiety when I go to the store and I don't feel so alone with her with me.

She's a great little companion. I started to buy her little dresses from Ross and I'm going to learn how to sew some clothes for her as well :-)

2016 was also the year I decided to shave my head due to alopecia. After dealing with super thin hair coming out in chunks from the stress my family put on me while I lived with them I made the decision to go bald and it has been one of the most freeing decisions I ever made.
I have wigs for occasions but overall I mostly go bald every day. I never thought I'd feel confident without any hair but people have said I look great bald and I have also inspired some people who have felt self-conscious about hair loss. Hair loss can be devastating in women. I was worried about my husband thinking I was unattractive. For the longest time I wore extensions and kept my hair long because he liked longer hair on women. I was expecting the worst but he responded really supportively and I'm grateful for that.

Well, here's to a better year and may I complain less and achieve more. Here's to the possibility of an exciting future and possibly finally starting a family. Also, to leaving unsupportive people in my past where they belong and finding good people to surround myself with.




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